The Biblical way of handling wrongs suffered is
- Forgive without telling the person (pray for them)
- tell them, explain with grace and love, then forgive (pray for them)
Ps. 68:21 Surely God will crush the heads (lives) of his enemies, the hairy crowns of those who go on in their sins.
First we need to keep in mind that if someone has sinned against us, God knows and will reward them accordingly. We don’t have to do anything to cause that to happen. God is able to correctly judge the hearts of humanity. He knows each of us better than we know ourselves. God knows best how to deal with the sins of each of us in order to help us stop sinning.
Offenses = violation of social or moral rules, transgression of the law, or anything that displeases.
It is a peculiarity of humans that we can be offended by things that are not wrong or sinful. If your husband gets up in the morning and brings you a nice hot cup of tea or coffee just the way you like it, but you really don’t want to get up that early and just want to be left alone to finish your sleep for another hour, you’ve been offended, but he hasn’t sinned. Unfortunately, many do not take note of this difference and treat the offender as if he has sinned against them even when he hasn’t.
However, God is wise and has set up a system for Christians to settle their differences whether of sin or not.
In Matt. 18, first Jesus points out that all of us must become as little children and humble ourselves. (vs. 1-5) In essence this is to become a nobody in terms of society’s status stackers. And then Jesus points out that if we cause such a humble and/or innocent one to sin or stumble (or turn away from God), it might be better for us to punish ourselves. Jesus laments over the fact that the present state of humanity is that we sin against each other. But God is mindful and will reward the offender (6-9). Jesus reminded us that His purpose is to save and heal, to find the wandering hurting soul and bring him back into the fold. (10-14).
Isa. 61:1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
In Matt. 18:15 Jesus starts off with MOREOVER. (in addition to what has been said; further; besides.)
What Jesus is now going to say must be coupled or linked with what He just finished saying. Now we have an answer that is fair and just to all circumstances of offenses. While in this instance Jesus doesn’t say that we can silently or quietly forgive and pray for others without telling them, God has said it elsewhere which we will find if we do a search on forgiveness. Here Jesus’s intent seems to be to stop us from hurting someone unnecessarily by giving us an avenue to deal with apparent or real offenses. By doing things God’s way we avoid several things. We avoid becoming list keepers, or taking revenge, or hurting someone who innocently offended us.
In Jesus directions step ONE is to clearly and privately tell our offender of our concerns. This does not mean to casually fling a 2 sentence one minute complaint to someone in passing. We are admonished to love our fellow believers, to care about their concerns, to support them and honor them. (all the allelons or one another verses in Scripture) Sitting down in private discussion gives both persons a chance to fully understand the issues. This is what God wants. And we are to do this in an attitude void of harm or revenge. We are not to seek to hurt one who has hurt us. The Lord’s desire is to find and reclaim the straying sheep. Our ultimate goal must be restoration whenever possible.
If he will not hear us, then we have a second step recommended by Jesus. We can bring one or two brethren to witness to our discussion and give evidence of the veracity of our complaints. (Deut. 19:15-21) This is a serious step. Often we think that because we feel offended then we have the right to charge another with fault. But here Jesus reminds the Jews of the OT Law, where the veracity of both will be called into question so as to avoid what Jesus said earlier, causing an innocent to stumble. At this point, the charge is still only between the two people. If it is determined after this step that a person has clearly brought harm and sin to another and will not repent or offer remorse, and the one offended cannot or will not forgive, then the last step is to bring the offenders crime public to the local assembly. This is in response to a continuing and unrepentant sin that the offender chooses to live in. This step should only be taken in lieu of an actual moral or spiritual sin that a person refuses to discontinue.
Most Christians are able to handle offenses real or imagined with loving and kind private discussion. If there is no real sin, it should never go beyond that. But if there is sin yet not something one should be expelled from Christian fellowship for, bringing in one or two other mature Christians to help the discussion, can be enough to help the two find unity and reconciliation again.
Each of these steps is a choice. Once one starts it does not mean one must immediately go to step two. The whole procedure may even take months or years. The purpose is to bring healing, not to thrash another into submission. Sometimes, it takes a bit for a purson to mull something through and realize their offense as an offense. It is beneficial if we give one another the respect to figure things out without undue pressure.
Nevertheless, forgiveness is to our benefit no matter whether the other repents, apologizes or changes. God will take care of him/her no matter. If we follow Jesus admonitions we will not need to keep an accounting of wrongs suffered. We can deal with them and find brotherly love again even when a brother doesn’t or isn’t able to do as we would like them. In the end we MUST forgive.
Matt. 18:35 “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.
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